These Common Thinking Errors Are Impacting Your Emotions
When it comes to thinking, however, we all make mistakes. And those mistakes can negatively impact how we feel and interact. Here’s an example…
Let’s say you’re meeting a friend at the movies. Your friend is 15 minutes late and not answering your texts.
What do you think is going on? And how does that impact how you feel?
Imagine these possible scenarios:
- Event: Friend’s late, no contact→
- Thought/Perception: “They’re disrespecting me”→
- Emotion: Angry→
- Urge/Action: Leave, send angry text
- Event: Friend’s late, no contact→
- Thought/Perception: “They ditched me”→
- Emotion: Hurt/sad→
- Urge/Action: Leave, isolate self
- Event: Friend’s late, no contact→
- Thought/Perception: “Something happened to them”→
- Emotion: Worried→
- Urge/Action: Pace, send worried text
- Event: Friend’s late, no contact→
- Thought/Perception: “They’re always late”→
- Emotion: Annoyed→
- Urge/Action: Wait, bide time in a huff
- Event: Friend’s late, no contact→
- Thought/Perception: “I’m at the wrong theater”→
- Emotion: Embarrassed→
- Urge/Action: Leave, blame self
In each situation, the emotion makes sense. If someone is disrespecting you, for instance, anger would be an appropriate emotional response.
But is that what really happened?
In every scenario, the actual event (friend’s late, no contact) is exactly the same. We don’t know why the friend is late. We don’t know why they haven’t texted back.
It’s the thought or perception of the event, not the event itself, that causes the emotional response.
And that’s an indication that, in each instance, thinking errors were being made.
These thinking errors are called “cognitive distortions,” a term coined by Cognitive Behavioral Therapy researcher David Burns. In his book Feeling Good, Burns outlines the 10 most common cognitive distortions:
- All-or-nothing thinking. When we don’t get everything we wanted, and it feels like we got nothing we wanted. Or when we make one mistake, it feels like we’re total losers.
- Overgeneralization. When one thing incorrectly represents the whole—like when something goes wrong, and life suddenly appears to be nothing more than a series of crappy experiences.
- Mental filter. When we develop selective hearing and vision and only hear and see one detail—typically negative—while ignoring all the others. Like when we obsess over one negative comment while the rest were full of praise.
- Disqualifying the positive. When the good stuff doesn’t count because life is only miserable. Like when we believe people only say nice/good things about us because they have to.
- Jumping to conclusions. When we participate in mind-reading, claiming to know what people think or feel without asking, or fortune-telling, predicting outcomes without any evidence to support our ideas—ideas like “I just know I will fail.”
- Magnification or minimization. When screw-ups or losses are HUGE and the good stuff is practically invisible.
- Emotional reasoning. When we start thinking our emotions are facts: I feel, therefore it is. “I feel like she hates me, so she must really hate me.” “I feel lonely, so I’m completely alone.” “I feel fat, so I must be fat.”
- Should statements. When we start beating ourselves up with “shoulds.” “I should be able to deal with this better.” “I should be able to handle this.” “I should have said that instead.” Should statements also lead to unrealistic expectations of others: “They should have taken care of that for me.” “They should know to do this.”
- Labeling or mislabeling. This is similar to all-or-nothing thinking, but taken a step further. Like when we use extreme language and name-calling to dehumanize or invalidate ourselves and other people. “I did that wrong. I am such an IDIOT!” “That person messed up—what a loser!”
- Personalization. When we see ourselves as the cause for things we have absolutely no control over, or the target of things that may have nothing to do with us. “My parents got divorced because of me.”
Studies have shown that even the realization that thinking errors exist—that our thoughts and perceptions may not always be accurate—is helpful in managing difficult emotions.
If you can recognize a thinking error while it’s happening, you can take a more objective look at the evidence. Then you can challenge and replace that thought with a more accurate and effective perception of what’s really going on.
So, how can you tell when your perception is out of line with reality?
You may be making a thinking error when you use one of these extreme or definitive words:
- Always
- Never
- Everyone
- No one
- Everything
- Nothing
- Should
- But
Try to catch yourself when you use one of these words. Think about how they influence your feelings about the situation. Would a less definitive or extreme word soften your stance?
If we train ourselves to notice when we are using these words (and hey, everyone does from time to time), we can reframe what we are saying and thinking in a more accurate way.
And the more you are able to recognize and challenge your own thinking errors, the more control you will have over your emotional world.
Midwest Counseling & Diagnostic Center can offer support. Our extensively trained, highly skilled therapists are down-to-earth, non-judgmental, and committed to helping you find the path forward on your journey. For more information, please contact us.
*Source: Burns, David D., MD. 1989. The Feeling Good Handbook. New York: William Morrow and Company
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